Yes, I am still here. I had big plans of resting and relaxing this summer and somehow that has totally gotten away from me. We have soooo much going on right now, that if I stop and think about it too much, I just may resign myself from adulthood. :) Our church is going through a transition time right now. That is both exciting and scary at the same time. I am working an upcoming Tres Dias weekend. I won't say what I am doing, but let me just say that God is finding great joy in stretching me on this one! We have birthdays and birthday parties, bible school, piano, swim days, music camp.....and on and on. All of these things are really good things, but if my focus is taken off my savior, then they can be detrimental. Some days my focus is where it needs to be and others...not so much.
Somewhere in all of this, God is trying to shave away some of my ugliness. Pride is a part of me that is a hindrance. I don't mean for it to be. It just is. Several times lately, my heart has been questioned. For me...that just hits hard. When it comes to most things, I could care less what others think, but when my heart is questioned, it "eats my lunch". (a quote from my friend Shana) :) So, why do I let that bother me??? It really shouldn't matter. All I should care about is how God sees my heart. So, how do we get there? How do we have close relationships and not think about how they see us? How do we do what we believe God wants us to and when others question our faith, not let that bother us? How do we go through this life and not believe the lies that Satan tries to feed us?
I really am not fishing for encouragements of any kind. And, although it may sound like it, I'm really not complaining. :) I love my life. I am blessed beyond measure. I am just thinking out loud...or in print. As others have said - I'm just keepin it real.
12 comments:
We're all guilty of that pride my dear. It sucks when our hearts and motives are questioned and for that I'm sorry. I hope that you're feel assurance through the little things in life and are telling the devil where to go. I miss you and love you a "whole stinkin bunch." Oh and you're heart is pretty awesome...it's part of what makes you who you are.
You know, you're not alone. We've discussed at length what I feel like my "functional gods" are. And you know that, try as I might not to, I place a high value on other's opinions of me. Sometimes I think it's human nature, but I still think God longs for us to be free from that. We measure up.....only, and soley because we are His......and He is pleased with us, and He wants us to live like it.
The only solution I have to get to that end is much prayer. It's something God himself has to change in us. And, maybe recognizing that we have no ability to change it is the first step in allowing God to.
I'm joining you in prayer this summer that we can live in the freedom that is ours.
By the way, your heart is why I keep hanging around you......Just in case you're wondering why you can't get rid of me.....
thanks for keepin it real!
Okay, I typed in a HUGE reply to this and it didn't post for whatever reason. I guess it's lost in cyberworld. Maybe somebody who needs it will find it one day and read it. I will try this again.
My guess is that one of two things happened. The person who made you feel that way doesn't have any idea of what your heart looks like. In other words, they don't know you very well. 'Cause I see so many evidences of your faith and your heart in your life. Not to be missed, is the influence you have had on Maddie and Ella who also ooze Jesus. This person must not know you well OR My #2 guess is....
They probably didn't mean to make you feel that way and have no thoughts of you in that way. Satan likes to use our insecurities to make us feel like we're losers.
The example of this in my own life is that everytime someone from my past, childhood, or family asks "where are you in church now?". I feel the necessity to tell them that Evangelical METHODIST church is not your typical "methodist" church. Why because somewhere along the way someone let me know that as Baptist we were better off than those loose living Methodists. Now, is this true, ABSOLUTELY not, but my insecurities make me justify to people when I don't need to do that. Do they think that? Maybe, but probably not. It's me...wanting to appear like I'm alright in their eyes. Who cares what God thinks at the time? I'm more worried about what they think.
Crazy, but true.
By the way, your heart makes me happy. I see Jesus in your eyes. Truly. I see Jesus in your kid's eyes. You revealed it to them.
Guess what Jesus sees...He sees His reflection, whether you think so or not. He does. He's there. So go tell that mean ol' Satan to take a HIKE!!!
Tammy,
Ditto what these gals said, and I will add to it....
I, too, love your heart and I too think you have Jesus 'oozing' from your life, your actions, and your words. No, I know you didn't want encouragement here, but guess what you are getting it!!
I am sorry you are feeling like your motives, ultimately, your heart, have been questioned. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God put a HUGE heart inside that little body of yours!! I KNOW that God put you in my life to SAVE my life more than once!! How is that for knowing that you are smack dab in the middle of His will!?? You reached out to me and my family when you were probably so very tired of doing so and look where we are today... still hanging around and bugging you! :)
Girl, I love you dearly and I share the same fears- worrying what others think, how they see me, how much time am I spending with them or are they not spending with me, or do they like me really or am I a good enough mother? Could they just as well do without me?
And you know what, it is all garbage that Satan is trying to feed each one of us- to break down the unity that God so graciously has grown in us over the past few years!! It is all HIM, not us!! Now, that doesn't mean that I don't 'buy in to' his garbage from time to time, but it is still garbage, just the same!! Thankyouverymuch (to borrow a 'Shana-ism' here! I really like that 'Shana-ism'! :) )
As I said on the phone today, I love you and I am sorry for your hurts and I am sorry that your heart has been called into question. Thank you for being the kind of friend that I can say what I think and feel to and you are still there to be my friend afterwards!! You don't know what a blessing that is to me!!
Also, I say, 'Stop letting them eat your lunch by golly!!' That is your lunch and not theirs and you can't let them steal your joy or your passion or your food!!
I am here for you and I love your stinkin' BIG OL' HUGE heart!! Keep doing what you are doing knowing that God is going to bless you!
I love you,
Cyndi
My dear, whoever came up with the idea that we're not to care about what others think of us??? It's just plain human to care ~ simply because our Father created us FOR RELATIONSHIP. With Himself, and others. Our hearts would be so cold if we truly didn't care what others thought.....
(The problem, of course, gets to be when we care more about people's opinions than God's opinion. In my opinion, that's the place we get into trouble!!! Enough opinion?!)
As far as going throughout life and not believing the lies of the enemy ~ I'm sure that's a lifelong battle we all desire to overcome. The enemy is so ruthless and always knows just where our vulnerable spot is. All of us succumb to his deceit from time to time, but as we renew our minds daily in His Word and rely on the Holy Spirit satan's lies should become more and more obvious to us! We have to actively FIGHT the enemy's accusations with the written Word of God (like Jesus when Satan tested Him after His 40 days of fasting ~ His weakest and most vulnerable time!)
Tammy, I'm so sorry your heart hurts. I'm so sorry somebody else is unable to see the wonderful heart you do have. Sending serious hugs your way today!!! :)
Chelle
A few things that I want to make sure you know:
1) We humans are flawed; no matter how much we may love and care for one another -- we fall short way too often, and quite frankly we always will.
2) We need each other! We need community! And we need to learn to be much more loving and forgiving than we are.
3) Only God knows the depths of your heart, and His opinion is the only one that matters. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but we are all guilty of sometimes doing what we think will make others happy, what will please others, or what we think will make us look good to others (maybe even our closest friends) .... and when we do we are probably not walking the path God intended. Again, His opinion is the only one that matters.
4) And finally ... listen close here .... I love you, and I value your friendship!
OK, y'all didn't hear me when I said I wasn't looking for encouragements! :) But, I'm awfully glad you didn't, because you all have been a great encouragement. Y'all are some pretty smart cookies, and I'm glad to call you all friends!
Oh, I heard you. I just ignored you. How's that for a great friend...LOL!!!!
hugs,
Terri
Terri,
TRUE THAT girl!! I heard you too, Tammy, but I encouraged you anyway! As Terri said, how's that for true friends??!! LOL!!
We love you and can't help encourage you. P.S. Joe doesn't comment OFTEN and he loves you so much, that he HAD to encourage you, um, I mean, comment!!
Here's to your stinkin' BEAUTIFUL BIG OL' HEART in that little, tiny body!! :)
Love,
Cyndi
Your heart is so very huge. The person must have COMPLETELY misunderstood.
I am the good kind of jealous that you are working this weekend, but I am sure that the attack you posted on is part of Satan's ploy to attempt to destroy what the Lord has in store for you to do for the women on the weekend.
I hope you had a great time working Tres Dias this past weekend. I hope the questions of your heart have been clarified for the person/situation calling it into question. You know I think you are the sincerest, most precious person ever, so isn't my opinion all that matters any way? ha haa To seriously answer your question about not letting things bother us: I always have to remind myself that if my intentions weren't bad, then it's the other person's place to work through their feelings or questions. I can't possibly use my energy to defend something that stands on it's on--like your good heart. Your intentions are pure, sincere and good--so let that person work their way through understanding the goodness you genuinely possess. Sometimes people who aren't pure at heart themselves have lots of difficulties understanding those who are. That's just my humble opinion.
Okay, I am in need of a keeper and that would be you and Jenny. I had this really long thing typed to and I forgot to sign in, then i did the same thing on Jenny's .
I had to respond to this one because ,like Meleia, i finally learned that when someone is judging me it usually is because they have issues . It just took me way longer to learn this because I am a people pleaser. I still find it difficult to remember though when it is my family that someone is judging. I am so proud of the woman you are. More than that I stand in amazement of the mother you are. I see you daily trying to raise your children to love and honor God and in today's world that is a daunting task.
I am thankful you have a community of friends who support you.
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